Sexy Christians

http://carolinastylemag.com/2012/10/19/flirty-fabulous-eye-for-the-fall/

I’ve been thinking lately about the perception of Christian women. One thing in particular I’ve noticed is how church tradition emphasizes the attributes of character above anything else. These traits include gentleness, kindness, modesty, compassion, patience, and many more. Character is extremely important not only for your Christian walk but also for you marriage, because as my husband puts it: “your looks attract him; your character keeps him.” 

But I’ve also noticed that because of this over-emphasis I am fearful of being the immoral woman; of dancing too seductively; of dressing too immodestly. I also get the feeling that women use the excuse of character to neglect their appearance, afterall “he should love me for me and not for my looks“. That may be true but again my husband makes a very good point: “yes, he does love you for your character, but he wants the WHOLE package.” 

So I did a little experiment. I started paying attention to the way women dress. I noticed that women in church wear baggy shorts and slops and rather unflattering clothes.  I also noticed that women on the street wear heels and are well-groomed. I asked friends and family what they thought. I made the statement that “Christian women should take care of their appearance and be more sexy. They should visually seduce their husbands more.” The world is constantly bombarding our men with visual images and you definitely want him looking at you and not the secretary at work. It almost saddened me that a Christian man is seduced by a worldly woman and not by a godly woman. God is the maker of beauty and he is the maker of sex. If this is the case, how much more sexy should a godly woman be from a worldly woman?! Of course, I’m making a distinction here between being subtle and outrageous. You also don’t want to be seducing other women’s husbands!

The response I got? Most often the women would remain silent on the matter, or start talking about character again. The men? They all agreed vehemently that Christian women should be more sexy. Pretty obvious to me that women downplay how important the visual is to men. But from my perspective, if your man wants you to be more sexy that is fantastic news because it tells you he wants to have eyes only for you! He wants to be satisfied in you. So… go to belly-dancing classes, or do pole-dancing, wear flattering dresses and skimpy pajamas! Be a little sassy and be a little sexy. 

My Month Without a Car

Found at: http://pleasurephoto.wordpress.com/tag/vernon-merritt-iii/

In all our time of staying in Durban the most interesting was a time when we stayed at a self-catering Bed and Breakfast. We were there for two months and the first month of that stay I found myself without a car. 

Always having had my own means of transport I have known the convenience of hopping in a car and leaving when it suites me; and not having to wait for a lift (seeing as there is limited public transport in South Africa).  I could go to work, do my grocery shopping, go here and go there. So I almost went crazy the first few days without a car. I was so used to going out it felt strange to stay at home the whole day. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wandered around, tried to get busy with something but soon gave up because I was antsy. I also had to walk to the shops if I’d forgotten to buy an ingredient for supper or if we ran out of food.  Quite a scary experience in Durban City Centre.

What I didn’t realise in that first week is that I’d have to become excellent at planning meals – just enough ingredients to last until we could do the grocery shopping the following weekend. I also found I had a lot more time because I wasn’t distracted with going to the shops unnecessarily, which meant I could do more studying. In total I got more done; became more efficient at planning meals; and found I had a less wasted time. I realised you can get by with less and in doing so can actually have more (more time in my case)! Not as bad as I had imagined being without a car to be! Use those precious inconveniences to learn and when you get your car back you will appreciate what you have.

Childlike Playfulness That Charms a Man

 

I have posted another example of childlikeness (the cuteness in us all that charms men) to help you gain a better understanding of "how". The extract below comes from James Barrie's book The Little Minister and comments within this extract come from Fascinating Womanhood and are written in italics. Notice how exceptionally cute the herion is and imagine how cute she would be to a man (James Barrie in this instance since she is his creation). Even I could not help giggling at her playfulness.

Babbie had tricked the little minister into helping her escape through a line of soldiers by pretending to be his wife: Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed clapping her hands merrily. “It was iniquitous,” he answered, “and I, a minister.” After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back, and she looked pleadingly at him. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands...

 “I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. “Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress... Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?” Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Aye,” she said, as if surprised, “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I’m a poor ignorant little lassie again. My goodness, but clothes do make a difference to a woman.” This was sheer levity, so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.

Gavin looked with horror on Babbie’s wild gypsy ways. When he met her at the old mill to receive the money for Nanny, he intended to reprimand her. Before she arrived he was practicing aloud what he intended to say to her: “how dare you bewitch me? In your presence I flung away the precious hours of the Sabbath; I even forgot the Sabbath... I am an unworthy preacher of the Word...Nevertheless...I call on you, before we part, never to meet again, to repent of your-“ and then he heard Babbie singing from a fir tree.

 “Where are you?” Gavin cried in bewilderment. “I am watching you from my window so high,” answered the Egyptian; and then the minister, looking up, saw her peering at him from a fir. “How did you get up there?” Gavin asked in amazement. “On my broomstick,” Babbie replied and sang on. “What are you doing up there?” Gavin said, wrathfully. “This is my home,” she answered. “I told you I live in a tree.” “Come down at once,” ordered Gavin, to which the singer responded by continuing her Scottish ballad.

 The next instant a snowball hit his hat. “That is for being so cross,” she explained... “Why are you so nasty to today, and oh, do you know you were speaking to yourself?” “You are mistaken,” said Gavin, severely. “I was speaking to you, or rather I was saying to myself what-“ “What you decided to say to me?” said the delighted gypsy.

 “Do you prepare your talk like sermons? I hope you have prepared something nice for me. If it is very nice, I may give you this bunch of holly.” “I don’t know that you will think it nice,” the minister answered slowly, “but my duty-“ “If it is about duty,” entreated Babbie, “don’t say it. Don’t, and I will give you the berries.” She took the berries from her dress, smiling triumphantly the while like one who had discovered a cure for duty; and instead of pointing the finger of wrath at her, Gavin stood expectant.

 “But no,” he said, remembering who he was and pushing the gift aside, “I will not be bribed. I must tell you-“ “Now,” said the Egyptian sadly, “I see you are angry with me. Is it because I said I live in a tree? Do forgive me for that dreadful lie.” She had gone down on her knees before he could stop her, and was gazing imploringly at him, with her hands clasped. “You are mocking me again,” said Gavin, “but I am not angry with you. Only you must understand-“

 She jumped up and put her fingers to her ears. “You see I can hear nothing,” she said. “Listen while I tell you-“ Gavin continued. “I don’t hear a word. Why do you scold me when I have kept my promise? If I dared take my fingers from my ears I would give you the money for Nanny. And, Mr Dishart, I must be gone in five minutes.”

“In five minutes,” echoed Gavin, with such a dismal face that Babbie heard the words with her eyes and dropped her hands. “Why are you in such haste?” he asked, taking the five pounds mechanically, and forgetting all that he had meant to say. “Because they require me at home,” she answered, with a sly look at her fir.

 “Would you like to hear all about me?” she asked. “Do you really think me a gypsy?” Then in the middle of the conversation, she had him stand back-to-back to see which was the taller. “Let us measure,” she said sweetly, putting her back to his. “You are not stretching your neck, are you?” 

Then, as she was to go she said, “I know why you are looking so troubled. You think I am to ask you the colour of my eyes and you have forgotten again.” He would have answered but she checked him. “Make no pretence,” she said severely; “I know you think they are blue.” She came close to him until her face almost touched his. “Look hard at them,” she said solemnly, “and after this you may remember that they are black, black, black.” At each repetition of the word she shook her head in his face. She was adorable. He was enchanted. He would have put his arms around her but she ran away.

New Post under Bits and Bobs

What to do with a sour tub of cream

You get ready to make a delicious dessert with the tub of cream you bought last week but when you open it you find that it is turning sour. Your first reaction will be disappointment and irritation but don’t let your impulse angrily throw it in the bin. Change your approach and use the sour cream in a quiche!

Fascinating and Childlike

Being fascinating and childlike is confusing. How do you do it? When I first started reading Fascinating Womanhood I also thought "How?!" because we are not brought up to be childlike or fascinating; we are brought up to be composed and independent. So I've decided to post some literary examples to help you better grasp the concept. These examples come from novels written by men and give us a glimpse into what these men find fascinating.

Below is an extract from David Copperfield written by Charles Dickens.

“She was a fairy and a sylph. She was more than human to me. I don’t know what she was, anything that no one ever saw and everything that everyone ever wanted. She had the most delightful little voice, the gayest little laugh, the pleasantest and most fascinating little ways that ever led a lost youth into hopeless slavery. She was rather diminutive altogether... She was too bewildering. To see her lay the flowers against her dimpled chin was to lose all presence of mind and power of language in feeble ecstacy.”... When David thought of her he said: “I could only sit down before the fire, biting the key of my carpet bag, and think of the captivating, girlish, bright-eyed, lovely Dora. What a form she had, what a face she had, what a graceful, variable, enchanting manner.”

From the novel and above passage we see that Dora fascinated David. She had an enchanting manner; she was childlike and girlish. She had tender little ways: the way she laid the flowers against her dimpled chin, patted the horses, or spanked her little dog fascinated him. She was radiantly happy. She was bright-eyed and dependent; hopelessly in need of masculine protection and guidance. This is a perfect example of captivating feminine girlishness. I'm sure we would all like to inspire such feelings of adoration in a man.

What to Study?

For those young readers who are reaching the end of their school careers choosing what to study after school is daunting. How can you choose what career to go into when all you know is your home-town, the school you go to and your friends? The world is so big and there is so much to discover; so much opportunity.

So how do you decide what to study? Personality tests are good; aptitude tests are good. These tell you where your interests lie and what you are good at, but also of importance is whether there is a market for your preferred career. What is the point of studying to become an elephant whisperer if there is no work for such a field in your country of residence? If you want to live in India, great become an elephant whisperer! But if you stay in Italy you are unlikely to find work after your gruelling three years of studying.

Here is my tip. As you start coming to the end of your school career take the personality test and take the aptitude test. But also look at the job market. Brows internet sites such as pnet.co.za or jobs.ac.uk or russianjobsonline.com. Don’t just do it once, go back every week for a couple of months. This will indicate who is employing and what vacancies there are in the job market. Sure, the job market changes over the years, but if your interest lies in design, study graphic design instead of fashion design if the job market is that way inclined.

If, however, you know exactly what you want to do go ahead! Follow your dreams, work hard and your passion will make you successful.

Dealing With Conflict

Early on in our married life I found we disagreed and fought more than half the week. There was a period of about four months when we experienced conflict in almost everything. Right now I can’t say I even remember what our “fights” were about, but at the time it was awful. We were opposing teams trying to live under the same roof.

The problem was we didn’t know how to handle conflict (as most of us don't!). It’s important to talk about what upsets you if you are to prevent resentment building, but once you have, what then? I remember telling J what bothers me, and afterwards we ended up looking at each other and blinking like owls, not knowing what to say next. Speaking to your partner about what bothers you is important and it is of utmost importance to come to a conclusion otherwise you will have the same fight over and over again.

Humility is key here. You have to hear your partner without interrupting him or getting defensive or blaming. This takes self-control because our natural tendency is to defend ourselves. Dealing with conflict is like ongoing negotiation. It is possible for both to win but you have to hear each other’s sides. You are a team. If you are the winner in conflict you are actually cancelling out the winning side with a losing side, which is your partner’s.

This is how to deal with conflict:

• You mention your frustration and how, what Partner does, makes you feel. Don’t accuse Partner by saying “You always talk over me”. Rather say “It hurts me when you talk over me because it makes me feel unimportant and unappreciated”. This accuses the behaviour and not the person.

• Give Partner a chance to sympathise and, if you are kind, voice his frustrations: “I understand that when I do that it makes you feel unimportant and unappreciated. I am sorry. I don’t mean to cause you such feelings. I feel like I don’t get a chance to speak because you have so much to say.” Partner then asks what you would like him to do to fix the problem.

• You sympathise and tell Partner what you would like: “I didn’t know I don't give you a chance to talk. I am sorry. I would like you to give me a chance to finish what I am saying”. You then ask what you can do for Partner.

• Partner responds and mentions what you can do: “Ok I won’t interrupt you anymore. I would like you to give me a chance to talk”.

• You don't know when he wants to talk so you ask how you can do that.

• Partner gives ideas for what can help: “Maybe I can squeeze your hand to let you know I also want to say something or I can look at you and say your name to grab your attention”.

• You say: “Ok look at me and say my name and I will know you want to talk. I will then just finish what I am saying”.

• So Partner will not interrupt you and you will give Partner a chance to talk. You both get what you want; you both win!

At the resolution of this conflict both parties know how the other feels and have come to an agreement as to how to fix the problem. Because there is a solution, this fight is closed and should not need to be repeated in the future. Also, both parties get what they want. This is constructive: it allows both parties to feel they are moving forward rather than being stuck and kept in bondage by unresolved conflict. 

Understand that this method is unnatural so you will need to be patient with yourself and with your parnter. It works both ways: you or he can initiate the process depending on who is unhappy. Discuss the techniques with him and give it a try the next time you have a disagreement.