My Month Without a Car

Found at: http://pleasurephoto.wordpress.com/tag/vernon-merritt-iii/

In all our time of staying in Durban the most interesting was a time when we stayed at a self-catering Bed and Breakfast. We were there for two months and the first month of that stay I found myself without a car. 

Always having had my own means of transport I have known the convenience of hopping in a car and leaving when it suites me; and not having to wait for a lift (seeing as there is limited public transport in South Africa).  I could go to work, do my grocery shopping, go here and go there. So I almost went crazy the first few days without a car. I was so used to going out it felt strange to stay at home the whole day. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wandered around, tried to get busy with something but soon gave up because I was antsy. I also had to walk to the shops if I’d forgotten to buy an ingredient for supper or if we ran out of food.  Quite a scary experience in Durban City Centre.

What I didn’t realise in that first week is that I’d have to become excellent at planning meals – just enough ingredients to last until we could do the grocery shopping the following weekend. I also found I had a lot more time because I wasn’t distracted with going to the shops unnecessarily, which meant I could do more studying. In total I got more done; became more efficient at planning meals; and found I had a less wasted time. I realised you can get by with less and in doing so can actually have more (more time in my case)! Not as bad as I had imagined being without a car to be! Use those precious inconveniences to learn and when you get your car back you will appreciate what you have.

Childlike Playfulness That Charms a Man

 

I have posted another example of childlikeness (the cuteness in us all that charms men) to help you gain a better understanding of "how". The extract below comes from James Barrie's book The Little Minister and comments within this extract come from Fascinating Womanhood and are written in italics. Notice how exceptionally cute the herion is and imagine how cute she would be to a man (James Barrie in this instance since she is his creation). Even I could not help giggling at her playfulness.

Babbie had tricked the little minister into helping her escape through a line of soldiers by pretending to be his wife: Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed clapping her hands merrily. “It was iniquitous,” he answered, “and I, a minister.” After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back, and she looked pleadingly at him. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands...

 “I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. “Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress... Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?” Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Aye,” she said, as if surprised, “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I’m a poor ignorant little lassie again. My goodness, but clothes do make a difference to a woman.” This was sheer levity, so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.

Gavin looked with horror on Babbie’s wild gypsy ways. When he met her at the old mill to receive the money for Nanny, he intended to reprimand her. Before she arrived he was practicing aloud what he intended to say to her: “how dare you bewitch me? In your presence I flung away the precious hours of the Sabbath; I even forgot the Sabbath... I am an unworthy preacher of the Word...Nevertheless...I call on you, before we part, never to meet again, to repent of your-“ and then he heard Babbie singing from a fir tree.

 “Where are you?” Gavin cried in bewilderment. “I am watching you from my window so high,” answered the Egyptian; and then the minister, looking up, saw her peering at him from a fir. “How did you get up there?” Gavin asked in amazement. “On my broomstick,” Babbie replied and sang on. “What are you doing up there?” Gavin said, wrathfully. “This is my home,” she answered. “I told you I live in a tree.” “Come down at once,” ordered Gavin, to which the singer responded by continuing her Scottish ballad.

 The next instant a snowball hit his hat. “That is for being so cross,” she explained... “Why are you so nasty to today, and oh, do you know you were speaking to yourself?” “You are mistaken,” said Gavin, severely. “I was speaking to you, or rather I was saying to myself what-“ “What you decided to say to me?” said the delighted gypsy.

 “Do you prepare your talk like sermons? I hope you have prepared something nice for me. If it is very nice, I may give you this bunch of holly.” “I don’t know that you will think it nice,” the minister answered slowly, “but my duty-“ “If it is about duty,” entreated Babbie, “don’t say it. Don’t, and I will give you the berries.” She took the berries from her dress, smiling triumphantly the while like one who had discovered a cure for duty; and instead of pointing the finger of wrath at her, Gavin stood expectant.

 “But no,” he said, remembering who he was and pushing the gift aside, “I will not be bribed. I must tell you-“ “Now,” said the Egyptian sadly, “I see you are angry with me. Is it because I said I live in a tree? Do forgive me for that dreadful lie.” She had gone down on her knees before he could stop her, and was gazing imploringly at him, with her hands clasped. “You are mocking me again,” said Gavin, “but I am not angry with you. Only you must understand-“

 She jumped up and put her fingers to her ears. “You see I can hear nothing,” she said. “Listen while I tell you-“ Gavin continued. “I don’t hear a word. Why do you scold me when I have kept my promise? If I dared take my fingers from my ears I would give you the money for Nanny. And, Mr Dishart, I must be gone in five minutes.”

“In five minutes,” echoed Gavin, with such a dismal face that Babbie heard the words with her eyes and dropped her hands. “Why are you in such haste?” he asked, taking the five pounds mechanically, and forgetting all that he had meant to say. “Because they require me at home,” she answered, with a sly look at her fir.

 “Would you like to hear all about me?” she asked. “Do you really think me a gypsy?” Then in the middle of the conversation, she had him stand back-to-back to see which was the taller. “Let us measure,” she said sweetly, putting her back to his. “You are not stretching your neck, are you?” 

Then, as she was to go she said, “I know why you are looking so troubled. You think I am to ask you the colour of my eyes and you have forgotten again.” He would have answered but she checked him. “Make no pretence,” she said severely; “I know you think they are blue.” She came close to him until her face almost touched his. “Look hard at them,” she said solemnly, “and after this you may remember that they are black, black, black.” At each repetition of the word she shook her head in his face. She was adorable. He was enchanted. He would have put his arms around her but she ran away.

New Post under Bits and Bobs

What to do with a sour tub of cream

You get ready to make a delicious dessert with the tub of cream you bought last week but when you open it you find that it is turning sour. Your first reaction will be disappointment and irritation but don’t let your impulse angrily throw it in the bin. Change your approach and use the sour cream in a quiche!

Fascinating and Childlike

Being fascinating and childlike is confusing. How do you do it? When I first started reading Fascinating Womanhood I also thought "How?!" because we are not brought up to be childlike or fascinating; we are brought up to be composed and independent. So I've decided to post some literary examples to help you better grasp the concept. These examples come from novels written by men and give us a glimpse into what these men find fascinating.

Below is an extract from David Copperfield written by Charles Dickens.

“She was a fairy and a sylph. She was more than human to me. I don’t know what she was, anything that no one ever saw and everything that everyone ever wanted. She had the most delightful little voice, the gayest little laugh, the pleasantest and most fascinating little ways that ever led a lost youth into hopeless slavery. She was rather diminutive altogether... She was too bewildering. To see her lay the flowers against her dimpled chin was to lose all presence of mind and power of language in feeble ecstacy.”... When David thought of her he said: “I could only sit down before the fire, biting the key of my carpet bag, and think of the captivating, girlish, bright-eyed, lovely Dora. What a form she had, what a face she had, what a graceful, variable, enchanting manner.”

From the novel and above passage we see that Dora fascinated David. She had an enchanting manner; she was childlike and girlish. She had tender little ways: the way she laid the flowers against her dimpled chin, patted the horses, or spanked her little dog fascinated him. She was radiantly happy. She was bright-eyed and dependent; hopelessly in need of masculine protection and guidance. This is a perfect example of captivating feminine girlishness. I'm sure we would all like to inspire such feelings of adoration in a man.

What to Study?

For those young readers who are reaching the end of their school careers choosing what to study after school is daunting. How can you choose what career to go into when all you know is your home-town, the school you go to and your friends? The world is so big and there is so much to discover; so much opportunity.

So how do you decide what to study? Personality tests are good; aptitude tests are good. These tell you where your interests lie and what you are good at, but also of importance is whether there is a market for your preferred career. What is the point of studying to become an elephant whisperer if there is no work for such a field in your country of residence? If you want to live in India, great become an elephant whisperer! But if you stay in Italy you are unlikely to find work after your gruelling three years of studying.

Here is my tip. As you start coming to the end of your school career take the personality test and take the aptitude test. But also look at the job market. Brows internet sites such as pnet.co.za or jobs.ac.uk or russianjobsonline.com. Don’t just do it once, go back every week for a couple of months. This will indicate who is employing and what vacancies there are in the job market. Sure, the job market changes over the years, but if your interest lies in design, study graphic design instead of fashion design if the job market is that way inclined.

If, however, you know exactly what you want to do go ahead! Follow your dreams, work hard and your passion will make you successful.

Dealing With Conflict

Early on in our married life I found we disagreed and fought more than half the week. There was a period of about four months when we experienced conflict in almost everything. Right now I can’t say I even remember what our “fights” were about, but at the time it was awful. We were opposing teams trying to live under the same roof.

The problem was we didn’t know how to handle conflict (as most of us don't!). It’s important to talk about what upsets you if you are to prevent resentment building, but once you have, what then? I remember telling J what bothers me, and afterwards we ended up looking at each other and blinking like owls, not knowing what to say next. Speaking to your partner about what bothers you is important and it is of utmost importance to come to a conclusion otherwise you will have the same fight over and over again.

Humility is key here. You have to hear your partner without interrupting him or getting defensive or blaming. This takes self-control because our natural tendency is to defend ourselves. Dealing with conflict is like ongoing negotiation. It is possible for both to win but you have to hear each other’s sides. You are a team. If you are the winner in conflict you are actually cancelling out the winning side with a losing side, which is your partner’s.

This is how to deal with conflict:

• You mention your frustration and how, what Partner does, makes you feel. Don’t accuse Partner by saying “You always talk over me”. Rather say “It hurts me when you talk over me because it makes me feel unimportant and unappreciated”. This accuses the behaviour and not the person.

• Give Partner a chance to sympathise and, if you are kind, voice his frustrations: “I understand that when I do that it makes you feel unimportant and unappreciated. I am sorry. I don’t mean to cause you such feelings. I feel like I don’t get a chance to speak because you have so much to say.” Partner then asks what you would like him to do to fix the problem.

• You sympathise and tell Partner what you would like: “I didn’t know I don't give you a chance to talk. I am sorry. I would like you to give me a chance to finish what I am saying”. You then ask what you can do for Partner.

• Partner responds and mentions what you can do: “Ok I won’t interrupt you anymore. I would like you to give me a chance to talk”.

• You don't know when he wants to talk so you ask how you can do that.

• Partner gives ideas for what can help: “Maybe I can squeeze your hand to let you know I also want to say something or I can look at you and say your name to grab your attention”.

• You say: “Ok look at me and say my name and I will know you want to talk. I will then just finish what I am saying”.

• So Partner will not interrupt you and you will give Partner a chance to talk. You both get what you want; you both win!

At the resolution of this conflict both parties know how the other feels and have come to an agreement as to how to fix the problem. Because there is a solution, this fight is closed and should not need to be repeated in the future. Also, both parties get what they want. This is constructive: it allows both parties to feel they are moving forward rather than being stuck and kept in bondage by unresolved conflict. 

Understand that this method is unnatural so you will need to be patient with yourself and with your parnter. It works both ways: you or he can initiate the process depending on who is unhappy. Discuss the techniques with him and give it a try the next time you have a disagreement.

Accomplishment: the measure of eligibility

In the 1800s it was of utmost importance to be educated and possess “good breeding”. Education provided intelligence of mind, and “good breeding” provided refinement and social grace; and these in turn provided the foundation for a woman’s eligibility for marriage (if she wanted to marry a gentleman that is). However, it was her accomplishments that made her prized by her acquaintances and helped her catch the eye of an admiring gentleman. It was these that positioned her as the most valued choice for marriage because she had beauty, intelligence and talent.

A woman who possessed any, or a number of accomplishments was intriguing and alluring. She could dance at the balls hosted by wealthy neighbours; she could provide entertainment for guests after they retired to the drawing room by playing music or singing; she could entertain her parents by reading poetry; she could write a good letter and paint. She was like a nymph: mysterious in all her talents.

The accomplishments she could have possessed include any or all of those listed bellow.

• Playing the pianoforte

• Singing

• Dancing

• Writing poetry or a good letter

• Reading aloud

• Drawing

• Painting (usually with watercolour because this was seen as more feminine).

• Speaking a foreign language such as Italian.

These talents above are classical and elegant. Is it not interesting that today - though the accomplishments we possess are not seen as a reflection of our eligibility but rather as a prized talent for personal enjoyment - we still admire them greatly? How often have we admired Joan’s ability to paint or wished we could play the piano (or any other musical instrument) like Mary? We also admire those who can speak a foreign language. And I myself have often wished I could sing like those in the church choir. Strange, we are less likely to admire the ability to play first team hockey or provincial squash. Could it be that classical talent retains its allure?

Accomplishment and refinement are still very much appreciated today. A woman’s ability to paint, sing or play music still gives those who know her great joy. She is viewed as one with exceptional talent, especially if her talent is more developed than another’s. Maybe it doesn’t make her more eligible but it certainly attracts attention... because really, we have not much changed since the ladies and gentlemen of Jane Austen’s time.

Easier, Faster, Better

It is common knowledge that fruit and vegetables are healthy. But did you know that the skins and cores of these fruit and vegetables are even healthier? Many vitamins and minerals are found just below the skin so if you peel a potato or remove the skin from an apple you are actually shaving off a large portion of the nutrients you would be eating.

Many recipe books instruct us to peel the potato or take the skin of the tomato or remove the pips from a chilli. Why? Is it really going to make that much difference to the dish? I actually prefer potato salad with the skins included because it adds a nice texture and I know it’s healthier. 

After one evening bent over the chopping board tediously removing every seed from three chillies before chopping them, I decided: “No ways I’m not going to stand for hours making food”. The next time I made a chilli dish I chopped the chillies and threw them into the pot. What a surprise, I would never had known I’d added the seeds!

It’s easier, it’s faster, and it’s better to leave the skins on fruit and vegetables. It can cut down preparation and cooking time by a third depending on what you’re making. That leaves you with healthier food and more time to enjoy your family, your guests or reading your book!

The Working Woman

Through my research (googling) of women taking the role of working mother versus housewife I came up with some very surprising, very interesting conclusions concerning the topic of the “working woman”. This is a basic summary of what I found though of course there are always exceptions.

From the time of Christ (and certainly since the beginning of time) up until the 1700s women did not work outside the home. They were employed to sew and take care of the children. Their education also consisted of basic reading and writing skills (varying over the ages depending on the era ie in the dark ages it was mostly only the wealthy and the monks who were educated). Women took care of their homes.

According to the writings of Jane Austen which focuses on life in the late 1700s and early 1800s women did not work. At best a woman without inheritance or who didn’t marry into wealth would become a governess (a type of live-in teacher) who educated the children of wealthy families in geography, literature, foreign languages and accomplishments such as the pianoforte or painting. Higher education was not available to women and at this time women were under the care of either their fathers or their husbands. They had no social or marital responsibility to work and earn a living.

The start of women taking paid work came about in 1800s at the start of the industrial revolution. Women moved from the country where they worked on farms to the towns where they worked in factories. These women needed the money and were willing to take low pay in harsh working conditions.  Women still were not working as professionals.

Up until about the 1950s women worked until they got married and had children. These jobs usually included nursing, teaching or secretarial work. At the start of World War 2 men went off to war and women were left to hold the fort. Labour was short and the government needed women to step into men’s jobs so that economies would not collapse. This seems to have started the trend of mothers leaving home to work, where previously it was mostly single women or widows who would work. This continues today with women taking ever higher paid jobs.

My conclusion is this: women have always been industrious whether they worked to clothe and feed their families or whether they worked outside the home to earn an income. Always industrious and always worthy. With the progression of time women have received better education and more options in terms of career, but at the same time seem to receive less care and regard from the men who should be caring for them. One side of the scale tips up; the other tips down. We pile onto the man's side of the scale and we all sink as a result (higher divorce rate; troubled teens; increased violence)... Again it comes down to masculinity and femininity: there are two sides to the scale. The question is, how does this scale balance in an environment where mothers work; how does it work in the society we have created today?

Out to research

Old Car. Found at http://www.123rf.com

My dear friend has tasked me with a very interesting topic: Tim McGraw said something very intriguing about his wife, Faith Hill: “She's a straight shooter, that's for sure. She doesn't take any *nonsense* from anybody.” Her point is that McGraw did not mention her beauty, intelligence or accomplishments but simply her character. So I'm researching the angelic character of a woman and I'm at the same time researching the role of women: working vs housewife. I was hoping to have posted something on these today but unfortunately there is just too much to write about! I'll try to have something up on the Fascinating Feminine page by the end of the week.

So long I'll leave you with a little appetizer... My new year’s resolution this year was to wear more skirts and dresses. In fact, I said I will only wear pants when it is too cold for a dress or when it is just too impractical. Needless to say my husband loves this and I have experienced, more than ever, him treating me like a lady.

This weekend we were at his parent’s house and we had quite a bit to do. I wanted to have my car washed but wasn’t sure there would be a car-wash open on a Sunday so J said he would wash it for me. I thanked him but said I would help him. I would hold the hose and run the water over the car while he washed it with soap and a cloth. Well, this was just not acceptable to him. I was not going to help him wash the car because my dress would get wet. So he sent me back inside to drink tea with mom-in-law!

As you start to wear more dresses does your husband or boyfriend start to treat you differently; does he treat you more like a lady? Do men in general treat you more like a lady? Please share to encourage other women with your stories!

Beauty to live up to

A rare beauty

I almost think it was easier for women before there was television and glossy magazines. Women were just who they were. Look at the painting above. It's title is "A rare beauty" and yet her face is a little round and her features average. She has perfect skin and no wrinkles but in my opinion this is a much easier beauty to live up to than the supermodels we see today. And being the rare beauty that she is, makes it even easier for us. She has no super long eyelsashes or luscious hair. She does not have a thin waist and large breasts. She has no wrinkles, granted, but I forgive the painter for this omission. She is innocent. Not provocative. Look at the image below. It's title is "A portrait of a woman". According to the painter, she is what a woman looks like.

A portrait of a woman

The invention of Photoshop where models can be made to look instantly thinner or taller, have larger eyes and higher cheek bones has created an expectation of ideal appearance.Often advertisers will use teenagers of 16 or 17 in their photos, made to appear as grown women. Which of us can compete with them? Women are actually beautiful regardless of their age. My grandmother is the most beautiful gran I know. She has greying hair, a gentle nature, sparkling eyes, a welcoming smile and a radiant face. She is over 90. That is true beauty which has no expiration date.

Movies are even worse. They portray intimacy most passionately and romantically. Think of the third movie in the Twilight Series where Edward breaks the headboard during one such session of love. It is all fantasy but it causes singles to have an unrealistic expectation of intimacy in marriage; and causes married women to be unhappy and dissatisfied with the intimacy they share with their partners. Afterall who can ever cause their husband break the headboard? When I watch movies that contain sex scenes it just causes me to feel like I’m not good enough or like there is something wrong with us.

The happiest times are those when I’m free from the onslaught of the media and so this is what I've strived for. Some tips I can give to turn your back on the media include:

• Cutting out glossy magazines except the one you buy at the change of season so you can get an idea of the fashion for that season.

• Cutting out movies with a rating of 13SN. This is challenging because sometimes even the most innocent looking movies have a rating of 13S. Definitely cut out movies with a rating for sex and nudity higher than this, including art movies such as Amelie.

 
My husband and I don't have a TV and we find this so incredibly freeing. We have more time, more space, more money and are less influenced by the media. The only problem is keeping up with the news but we're working on it!

When your husband is harsh or critical

All men are harsh at times. Not because it is any fault of their own but simply because they are tougher, harder, and more aggressive. We on the other hand have our feelings easily hurt. My heart is soft and a harsh word can easily upset me. What makes it easier to handle, or even to change your husband’s reaction, is the way you respond. This is all part of “A Childlike Response” covered in Fascinating Womanhood.

In summary it means you defend yourself the way a little girl would. It does not mean getting angry shouting and screaming like a crazy woman, or accusing your husband of everything he does wrong. Rather, it is to be innocent: to deal with the anger in the way a child would. A child would be hurt and look at you with big eyes and a quivering lip. She would not yell and point fingers. Think of your kitten. When you scold it for doing something naughty it looks at you with those sweet little eyes, playfully and sometimes with a little mew. You can’t help but cuddle it! Puss in boots from the movie Shrek knows exactly how!

In the same way when your husband is angry or harsh with you try to appear gentle and small. This often has the effect of waking him up to his harshness. Andelin suggests a number of ways in which to deflect his anger but the easiest I find is one of two responses:

• Distract him from his anger by cuddling up to him and then when he continues to scold you step back and look ever so sorry; sit on his lap and admire his tie or do something else to distract him.

• Look at him with big eyes and ask gently and ever so sweetly if you have offended him.

The responses my husband shows:

• When I cuddle up to him and kiss him playfully in the neck he is disarmed. He continues to scold me but less angrily. When I step back and look sorry the corners of his mouth start to turn up even though he wants to remain angry. When I try to do the “kitten thing” again and cuddle up to him he gives up and we both end up laughing. (Most often it doesn’t go passed the first cuddle)

• I look at him with big eyes and ask sweetly if I offended him. Sometimes I may even add a flinch before getting wide-eyed. J will look as though he got a fright, and ask if he was harsh. He then cuddles me and talks gently to me.

This may seem ridiculous to some but it works to diffuse anger and prevent any ensuing arguments. Remember a man’s masculinity is inspired by your femininity. When you are gentle and feminine he can’t help but want to shelter and protect you and that includes protecting you from his anger or harshness.

Why Submission is your Secret Weapon

Photo by Jamie Kingham. Found at http://www.jamiekingham.com/pages/lifestyle

The classical view of womanhood has been greatly changed by the feminist movement. To gain independence and rights women have actually foregone their rights. This is a touchy subject and contemporary thinking applies a very negative connotation to the word submission; almost as though a woman were a cowering creature just doing everything her husband desires and asks of her. But this is not so and by applying the principles of Fascinating Womanhood you will find that submission gives you greater power than you could ever have known.

The problem with stepping up and taking what is “rightfully” yours or aggressively declaring what you want in any given matter (that is to refuse to submit to your husband’s leadership) is that you cause tension. What is most important to a man is your respect and in standing up to him you seem, in his mind, to disrespect his judgement or his character. You are no longer on his side. You are not for him, but against him.

Before I applied the principles of Fascinating Womanhood I would often insist on doing it my way. The problem with this is that I wanted a man. I wanted someone strong and in insisting on doing it my way I took away my husband’s “strength”. I got what I wanted but it left me unsatisfied because I was “stronger” than my husband, there was tension, and there was fighting. I also didn’t always get my way and then I was just as unhappy.

I started giving J the authority to make decisions. This did not mean that I didn’t get a say or just did what he wanted. I do voice my concerns and desires and he listens. Instead of us stubbornly opposing one another I tell him what I think and he weighs up the options and decides a course of action. This requires faith especially if you tend to worry about an outcome.

However I find more often than not J chooses my wishes over his. He will decide to do what I prefer simply because he has been given the honour to fulfil my desires, and so he sacrifices his own. He will furthermore always consider my insights into a matter because he knows the final decision ultimately rests on him (he does not have to fight for leadership). I have found that by submitting to my husband my ideas are listened to and my preferences taken into highest regard: in essence I have more power. I am also sheltered from any negative outcomes caused by our decision because it is him that takes responsibility for it all and my respect for him increases. It benefits both of us. J has my respect and I have his love.

Deep Fried Breakfast, and a Tip for Dieting

This passed holiday season has reminded me of the convenience of the 21^st century. As Christmas came and went family members began their new diets – a quick fix for all that is wrong with life today.

My husband and I moved into our self-catering guest house last night at 19:00. The shops were closed but we decided to go to sleep hungry rather than get take-out. We didn’t have anything to eat for supper and we didn’t have anything to eat for breakfast. Just the thought gave me an empty feeling in my stomach. We planned that I would drop my J off at work (we have one car for the time being) and then go in search of food.

When we woke this morning we were so hungry we decided to see if we could find a fast food outlet at which we could at least get something to eat. After about a 20 minute search we parked outside one such outlet and went inside. We ordered a very oily and deep fried breakfast, and a cup of coffee. How convenient! Our stomachs were full...but not with the right stuff.

Today’s life is so convenient. We are lazy so we get pizza or hamburgers for supper. We don’t feel like cooking so we buy already made food at the grocery store. We buy frozen food that we can shove into the microwave for 10 minutes while we catch up with our favourite Soapie. We don’t feel like walking so we take the elevator. We are prepared to wait 10 minutes for that elevator but we aren’t prepared to walk 20 metres to take the escalator (which would probably have saved us some time had we done so). We’d rather go home and watch TV than go for a walk or go to the gym. The list is just endless.

We’d rather have something right now and not have to wait. So many things to make us comfortable and then we go on diet to lose a couple of kilos fast! But this in general is not how the world works. Things take time and you need to be patient. When I was at University my boyfriend wanted to treat me to an ice-cream, a donut, a slice of cake, everyday. I could see my jeans starting to sit tight and I could see the bulging at my “love handles” (For those who know me I was about 8 kilos heavier than I am now). I knew I had to start saying no. It didn’t happen over night. I started gaining weight gradually and had I not taken notice I might have ended up overweight and unhappy. I cut down on the sugar and lost the weight again.

Most overweight women seem to feel the need to diet. The need to be slim seems to out-weigh the need to be healthy. If this is you and you feel you need to diet, start by changing your lifestyle before you go on diet. Start by eliminating sugar and replacing it with honey. Then cut down on cheese and other fatty foods. Increase your portion of salad and cut out sauces. Do not get take-out. Cook all your own meals so you know what goes in (except for the occasional restaurant). Start exercising. Maintain this lifestyle for awhile. You may find you start to lose weight naturally. 

Remember everything takes time (just like anything you have to work towards). In all cases diets need to be supplemented by exercise, because lean muscle increases your metabolism which burns fat faster. When you are comfortable in your routine and are enjoying being healthy start your chosen diet (one that has a good track record and isn't too over the top). Lose the kilograms at a rate acceptable to you. Then once you are down to your ideal weight continue with the healthy living you achieved before you started dieting.

This approach will be easier on your motivation because you will have already established your healthy routine before you started dieting. You will not be shocked by your deprivation and then at the end of the diet feel like you need to be "on diet" for the rest of your life! There is a reason a woman is overweight in the first place, and if she returns to the same eating habits and the same lack of exercise once she has finished the diet she will just gain all the weight back again.

As a last thought, don’t be fooled by people who tell you grapes are bad, bananas are bad, and pumpkin is bad. The food we eat today in its most natural form was created by God who, after creating the world – the plants and animals – and everything in it, said "It is good"! God did not create us to be overweight and being slim is not a secret hidden by Him only to be discovered by those few lucky ones. It is all about moderation. The more varied your diet the better. And lastly, avoid deep-fried breakfasts!